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April 29, 2017

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A need for education

I'm Layla Grace, I'm 18. I have Endometriosis, IBS, Visceral Hypersensitivity and am being tested for PCOS. I have had multiple ovarian cysts and 3 operations. If my new medication doesn't work I have to have another one. The worst case scenario is that I get put into early menopause. I'm struggling a lot at the moment, 2 years of fighting with no improvement really takes it's toll on your mental health.


When I look depressed, it's because I am.

 

When I look sick, it's because I am.

 

I always get asked if I am okay, I am not but you can't always say that because they can't help you and they want to.

 


Yes, I do talk about it all the time because it is all I have in my life, it is all consuming. I am very 'forward' when talking about my illnesses because it took my teenage years away from me. I've had to grow up very fast and deal with a lot of adult things, like thinking about freezing eggs, if I can have kids, getting a hysterectomy at a young age, having invasive tests etc, I can't be uncomfortable with talking about personal things. 


This illnesses take away your ability to live and love life. I don't remember the last time I actually enjoyed something because I'm always thinking about when I have to take my medication or how I will have to schedule my day so I can go to the toilet enough times. I want so badly to have friends and do things but I'm trapped in my own body forever dreaming of what it would be like. I don't even know who I would be without my illnesses. 
I'm tired of people telling me to 'ride it out' or 'be positive', this is my life not some phase that will pass. I've spent 2 years 'riding it out' and waiting for the next thing that is going to make me better but nothing has. 


I'm not angry about being sick, there's no one to be angry at, no one did this to me and I didn't do it to myself. I also don't wish that someone else had this over me, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. If anything I'm just sad, I'm always sad and on the verge of tears because I feel so isolated and breakable.


I had no idea about endometriosis, ovarian cysts and PCOS before I was diagnosed and I strongly believe that it should be discussed with kids when they learn about puberty. We need to educate people on these illnesses because they are still so misunderstood. 


I don't know what I was hoping to achieve by writing this, I just had to put into words what I was feeling.

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